Would it solve anything if I cried, screamed, ate? I avoided the scale last week because I was so afraid to see my success become a gain. But I couldn’t do that for 2 weeks in a row because I have to stay on top of this! So I stepped on it.
I gained 3 pounds.
I want my life to be like The Biggest Loser where they shed pounds every week in double digits. But I am not in a controlled environment with a refrigerator stocked with the right foods and Bob Harper of The Biggest Loser making me work harder than I think I can. All I have is me and a very uncontrolled environment. But that isn’t making me feel better.
Truthfully, today’s setback comes on the heels of feeling much failure. Home has become a place of tremendous uncertainty as my husband embarks on a new adventure and challenge that takes him away from us for much of the week. I have been negotiating for weeks for a day job. And even though it looks like that is going to happen, it has come at the expense of others. I wrestle with guilt.
Even the weight-loss success of my friends is making me feel like a failure.
Women I love, respect and am blessed with as friends are achieving new health and wellness through much hard work. And I struggle by comparison. They seem to move in leaps where I crawl. I can only look at myself for what I accomplish or don’t but I can’t help but compare and feel like I am not trying hard enough. I know they are making it happen through careful eating and difficult exercise and not through some sort of magic that I just haven’t stumbled on yet.
But I can’t help but feel that I don’t measure up.
I was feeling defeated, but then I realized: this is time to reach out for help. I need to assess where I am—and where I’m going.
First up: a nutritionist to help me assess what I’m doing right—and wrong. The woman that got recommended to me: Lauren Slayton, MD, RD, from FoodTrainers—and I just had a consultation with her. She said things like, “I am impressed,” and “You are doing a good job.” That was music to my ears! And soul. Lauren was easy to talk to, like an old friend. I am going to LOVE working with her! But more about that later.
Next up: despite my initial hesitation about working with a trainer (I do know how to do a lot of workouts), I’m going to talk to one to assess how I can be shaking up my workouts a little more. I’m going to get my own Bob Harper of The Biggest Loser!
My attitude: never be above asking for help. Isn’t that what The Biggest Loser is all about anyway? And right, now, I need help.
Now for my green goddess shake and a 50-minute run….